Research Tells Us: Sexuality Education & Families

We get messages about sexuality starting at birth.

Many people think that sexuality begins when we first feel romantically attracted to others. This is a reason parents assume youth are too young for conversations about sexuality, and often delay conversations until they think their kids are romantically involved. (1). However, we know that our understanding of sexuality begins in infancy (3), and we have opportunity to teach information to teach kids about sexuality from the earliest stages of parenting. Consider some key messages to send about healthy sexuality in your child’s earliest years.

Youth with open family communication about sexuality have healthier outcomes.

Youth who talk frequently with their families report a delay in their first sex, fewer partners, increased condom use, fewer STIs, and increased ability to discuss sex with a partner. (2,) (8). Contrary to common belief, talking with kids about sexuality does not encourage them to take sexual risks earlier, or imply your approval, but instead make sexually health choices. (5).

Youth benefit from conversations about sexuality at a young age.

Kids who have more conversations with their parents about sex report feeling closer to them (7). And, when youth are presented with more information about sexual health prior to their first sexual experiences, they report greater condom use (9). There is many indications that families wait to talk to youth until they perceive they’re already participating in sexual behavior, therefore missing key opportunities to introduce topics related to sexual health and wellbeing. (10) (12)

Current conversations about sexuality are rooted in sexism, stereotypes, and consequences.

Mothers are more likely to start conversations about sexuality in families and demonstrate more comfort in doing so. Daughters are the more frequent recipients of talks about sex.

These conversations perpetuate stereotypes. Boys are warned to stay away from girls who are too aggressive, and girls are told to stay away from boys who are opportunistic. Males receive more information about condom use and females receive more information about delaying sex until marriage, especially in certain cultural groups. (6). Information about talking to gender expansive youth are missing from research.

Communication about sexuality often centers around preventing negative consequences (STDs or unplanned pregnancy); and pleasure or positive aspects of sex were not addressed. (6). All youth deserve equitable and positive messages about all aspects of sexuality.

Many of the messages young people receive about gender come from their consumption of media, including movies, TV, and video games. Equimundo has recently published research detailing exactly what kids are seeing, and how it impacts their views of masculinity.

Families and caregivers can have effective conversations about sexuality.

There are many barriers to parents and caregivers not having conversations with their kids:

  • Parents feeling like they have limited knowledge

  • Parents thinking youth aren’t ready for sex

  • Parental discomfort

  • Demographic factors such as race or religion (1)

  • Parents thinking they want to protect a child’s innocence (11)

But we also know that youth want to see parents as a trusted resource for health (4). Consider what you say, how you say it, and how often. Additionally, consider what you’re communicating about sexuality by not saying anything at all.

Once you recognize what the biggest barrier might be for you in having more conversations about sexuality with your kids, you can make a plan to address it. Start small: one conversation, one topic at a time.

  • Consider improving your own knowledge by brushing up on some great parent resources beforehand, start here at Talk More, and get access to additional resources at Sex Positive Families.

  • Practice a conversation starter with a partner or another family member to increase your own comfort. Be prepared to be uncomfortable. Consider a few conversations starters embedded into our Parent Planner.

  • Rather than saying, “don’t”, think about saying “when” in conversations regarding your values related to sexual activity. Check out our blog post on the power of parental messages related to expectations for sexual activity.